Tears won't solve anything.

''Tears don't help anything'' they say.

''Even if you cry, it wouldn't change anything''

I know that. Don't you think I know that?

But they won't stop coming.

I have bargained. I have begged. I have promised. I have yelled. I have done everything I can think of, save curse.

I didn't want this to be my last post of the year. I didn't.

My vision is blurry from them. I can't really see what I'm typing.

I feel terrible. This isn't how my year should have ended. It wasn't that great a year but it shouldn't have ended this way.

Why?

''Tears won't solve anything'' they say.

Shut up. What do you know?

What do you do when you've tried everything, and there's nothing else to do but weep?

I'll tell you. You pray. You weep. You pray some more. And you weep.

I'm confused.

I shouldn't be crying, but they won't stop coming, the tears.

Please beg them for me? Tell them I don't want them.

Perfume.

Do you know what a furuncle is?

Are you raising your brows?

No i won't tell you what it is but i'll show you. Here

I'm promoting reading amongst young people :)

Ok that was... lame.

This thing is otherwise called a....(I'd rather not...say it). Oh you know what i'm talking about, you read the link...didn't you?? didn't you?? you did right?

Anyway, to the matter, we now proceed.

Some years back, I started to notice some funny things on my body. They weren't...furuncles per say. They were itty bitty things on my body that turned black and disappeared.

My mom told me the reason, but I didnt believe her, after all the things didn't really harm anyone, right?

Fast forward a few years, and here I am. There are no itty bitty things this time. There is one huge, monstrous...furuncle beloew my belly button. Actually it's like a second belly button, only bigger. and uglier. and more painful.

so painful in fact, that i can't sit down without the fly of my jeans slightly open..
yes it is that bad.

So ladies and gentlemen, after searching far and wide for what i am allergic to, i have finally found it.

Guess what it is? you can't.

wait for it...

waait for it...






Perfume.


p.s forgive the gbagauns, i was half asleep when i wrote this. sorry.

Goodluck

''Dear friends, you may have read in the papers some persons virulent attacks on my person, calling me a disloyal person. I would only urge you to objectively look at my past and the past of those making these allegations and let your conscience guide you. As I said, the only difference we need to make in Nigeria is between good and bad not North and South.''

---Goodluck Jonathan.

I posted this because i think he's right. This is one of our major problems.

I also think he's our best candidate. Nuff said.

It's got to be boredom...right?

I'm bored.
Maybe that's why I'm noticing many things,
Many funny things.
Like the fact that my sweater,
my old, old sweater,
has pictures of a cat
standing on a pig,
in front of a dog
wrapped in a million bandages.

 Maybe that's why I'm noticing him.
The boy with the deepest eyes,
the strongest arms,
The thick, unruly brows,
The wild afro, the smoothest beard,
that ugly but intriguing scar
over the dimple in his cheek,
the most shapely lips,
complete with that dangerous, lopsided,
beautifully amazing smile...

Oh dear...it's boredom isn't it?

A touching story.

 

Once upon a time, a very long time,

There was a handsome young man, seeking a woman to wife.

One day, this young man met a very beautiful young woman, and he fell in love with her. He asked her to marry him, and she said yes, and made him the happiest man alive.

The young man was next to penniless, but he had a lot going for him in terms of intelligence and hard work.

Naturally their wedding was less than prestigious, but there was a preacher, there were rings and there was food.

The couple rented a little one-bedroom apartment in the slums of their town, because that was all they could afford. They were Christians, so they prayed every day.

One year down the lane, there was no baby. They were confused. They prayed harder, they thought there was something they were doing wrong.

Two years, there was still no sign of a baby. The couple was even more confused. They went for church revivals, they fasted, they prayed, yet there was no baby.

Three years, four years, five; no baby…

The woman went for a surgery to remove a supposed fibroid.

People began to talk. Her friends said that she had destroyed her womb by having many abortions; some said that she had used her children for money in the spiritual world. They talked and talked, depressing the couple more. But the young woman knew she was a virgin when she got married, and she trusted her husband.

Six years, still no baby…

The young woman went for another surgery to remove yet another supposed fibroid.

The young man's friends came along. They told him he was getting old, and to take another wife who wasn’t barren. He refused. He told them he had married his wife for better or worse.  He trusted her, and he was a Christian.

They said he was a fool. They said she had poisoned his heart. They called her a witch. The young man was furious.  He told his friends never to speak about his wife that way again. They threw back their heads and laughed at him, and he walked them out of his house. They didn't go quietly. They hurled insults on their way out. They told him he would come begging, and they would refuse.

Seven years, the same story.

The families came along. They brought concoctions and lit candles, and tried to make the couple drink the rubbish. They refused. They begged their parents to leave them alone. Of course they refused. They continued to bring other stuff each week. But the young man's mother was very good to her daughter-in-law. She encouraged her every day, and prayed with her.

Eight years…nine years…no baby.

The now not-so-young couple cried unto the Lord for the umpteenth time, with faith burning in their hearts and tears burning in their eyes.

In the tenth year of their marriage, the woman went to the market to shop for foodstuff.  An old market-woman told her to take everything easy so as not to stress her baby. The not-so-young woman looked at her in a weird manner, shook her head and gently told the woman that she wasn’t pregnant.

The old woman only smiled back and went on her way.

A month later, the woman looked at her un-used pack of Always. She frowned. She had never missed a period since she started menstruating at fourteen. She remembered the old woman’s words and quickly went to the hospital.

Good news!! The doctor came back with a thousand-watt smile and hugged the not-so-young woman. He told her she was two months pregnant, and watched the tears quietly flow from her eyes. He knew what the couple had gone through so he was very happy for them. He told her their baby was due in mid July.

The woman ran home and told her husband. His joy knew no bounds. They worshipped the Lord.

In mid July, the baby decided to come. God gave the couple a bouncing baby boy who looked just like his uncle, the not-so-young woman’s brother. The christening ceremony was prestigious. The couple spent most of their savings on this long awaited child. At the end of the christening ceremony, the bouncing baby boy had twenty names.

At around bouncing-baby-boy’s first birthday, the woman discovered she was pregnant again. This time the baby was due in February. February came but there was no baby.  In late March, the doctor induced the pregnancy and out came a bouncing baby girl! beautiful with her mama’s eyes. The steadily-growing-couple was overjoyed. They planned on having two more kids.

In January the next year, before the bouncing baby girl’s first birthday, the woman got pregnant again. This time, the baby was due in late October. The family was a very happy one. On the baby’s due date, the baby refused to come. The woman was in labor. They said they would have to do a Caesarean on her. She didn’t want. She said her Bible said she would deliver like the Hebrew women.  She refused. The labor continued for three full days. The woman was delirious with pain. Yet she refused a CS. Around midnight, on the eve of the not-so-young man’s birthday, a bouncing baby girl was born to the couple.

She didn’t cry.

She didn’t die.

They thought she was dead, or would be in a few hours. But she stayed. And became the most intelligent child in the family.  They tried for one more baby, but they didn’t succeed. They were still very happy, and they taught their three children the way of the Lord of Hosts. They taught them to love the Lord. They taught them everything they knew how.

And now, the quite-old man, and the…almost-quite-old woman, and their three almost-grown but rather rambunctious kids are living happily, and will live happily ever after :)

*********************************

Hey guys! Sorry i have been MIA lately...i'm not even fully back yet...been crazy busy these past months...Thanks for all the mails i got asking me what was going on! i love you guys, and i'll be back soon i promise.  Thankssss darlings :*

My Gutter Experience

Have you ever fallen into a gutter?

Think: Green, moss-covered, algae-covered, gooey gutter with saliva and mucus and every other unthinkable thing.

Think : Naija gutter. Rainy season.

Have you ever??

If no, then pray it never happens.

If yes, then accept my deepest condolences, for only we the victims know what it's like.

There's no way to describe it, you have to feel it for yourself.

You will never forget the feeling. This thing happened to me about three, four weeks ago, and it's still fresh in my mind.

It was my last day at home, and I wanted to see the whole neighbourhood. So my sister and I took a walk into town.

You know those rubber shoes they wear in Naija these days? Those soft, soundless, comfy ones? Yeah, my sister had a pair. I loved them, and decided to buy mine, and some Suya while i was at it. I saw this woman across the gutter, and she was selling some rubber things, so I thought she would have. I was so intent on getting across to her, I didn't look at the plank that stretched across the gutter. 

SNAP

Like film trick, I was lying amid all the gooey stuff. Yes.

It was like a dream. My sister yelled for me, but as a butter babe, she couldn't get me out of there.

Nigerians are so nice, so so nice.

In one minute I was in the gutter, and in less than that, I was out. People were all around me, saying sorry, everything. My sister got me some water and cleaned me up...and me...I was still in a trance. I couldn't believe it.

But no one laughed.

Over here, if the snow is slippery and you land on your butt, no one will help you up...or they probably will...after they have doubled over with laughter, and pointed fingers at you, and wiped the tears from their eyes.

Yes, i know it's all jokes, but back home, I was so surprised that no one laughed. I love Nigerians.

Needless to say, I scrubbed the hell out of my body, in fact I'm almost sure I saw bruises. I didn't break any bones, and I still bought my Suya lol.

And so, that was/is my Gutter Experience :(:

Y'all have a great weekend.

Dear God.

Hey God, it's me again.

Yes, you are allowed to rub your eyes, you're probably tired of me already. Hey, if it's any consolation, I am tired of me too.

I just realised that i probably shouldn't have given you permission, because you don't need any permission from a mere mortal like me, you're God,you can do anything you damn -oops, no swearing- please.

But I digress. The points dear God, yes there are two points...Hey you probably even already know, didn't the Bible say 'Thou knowest my thoughts from afar off?'. Yeah you do, but I'm still gonna say them anyway.

Dear God, Firstly, i really really really want to say thank you. For everything you have done. Right from the very beginning. This year has really been...well, you just did everything in your own miraculous way. Sometimes, when i prayed, i thought I was too small to be seen by you, I thought you weren't listening because I was a bundle of sin, for a while, i even thought, yes i will admit it, i even thought you didn't exist. But you kept showing me that you were around, that you would never leave me. I want to say thanks for all the Financial support, i know we really don't deserve it, after all, i even expected to study in Nigeria, and now my sister is in University too, so the fees are like, wow. But you always provide. I know we're not rich, Lord, but we are not poor either. I thank you for that. I thank you for Moral support, spiritual support. I thank you for keeping my Family for me, I really really appreciate that.

Secondly God, as you already knew even right before i was born, the new semester starts on Wednesday.. So today, I ask (I know i'm always asking, it's just that I need you so much) that you grant my friends and I wisdom that will rival Solomon's, Knowledge and Understanding. I ask that you help us this semester Lord, because we cannot do it alone. (Lord you know my real friends, even if I do not, and this prayer does not include those that wish me harm. Thank you).

To the more personal prayers. Lord, you know me and my big mouth. You know us, we're always together. Lord, you know I don't like to take rubbish, you know how some people can disrespect me because I'm younger than their youngest sisters or something similarly stupid, and you know I just can't let it go like that, i don't like arifin. But this semester Lord, I want you to teach me to shut my mouth sometimes, not really all the time, because *chuckles*, we don't want them to mistake meek for stupid, now do we? This is my third year Lord, and i want to insult people less, however much they deserve it.

Also, i know my eyes are very expressive, so that even when I don't actually say it, people know i'm thinking it. Would you be so kind as to help me with that too? Yeah thanks.

Now about sin. I really want to try my possible best to avoid sin, even though i know that is next to impossible. Just help me Lord, that's all I ask.

I guess that's all for now Lord.

Oh wait, can i trouble you a little more? Lord, you know Bold 3/Tour 2 has arrived, yes? And i want it. Would you touch my uncle's heart, so he can send me some money for it? Thanks. But if it ain't your will Lord, don't let it be.

Thank you for listening. You can get back to me anytime you want, I'll wait.

P.S. Lord help my anger over my return to school fade away quickly, so i can amuse my awesome readers with My Gutter Experience. Thank you in Jesus' Name.


Yours-in-requests,
The Busy Brains.