Have you ever fallen into a gutter?
Think: Green, moss-covered, algae-covered, gooey gutter with saliva and mucus and every other unthinkable thing.
Think : Naija gutter. Rainy season.
Have you ever??
If no, then pray it never happens.
If yes, then accept my deepest condolences, for only we the victims know what it's like.
There's no way to describe it, you have to feel it for yourself.
You will never forget the feeling. This thing happened to me about three, four weeks ago, and it's still fresh in my mind.
It was my last day at home, and I wanted to see the whole neighbourhood. So my sister and I took a walk into town.
You know those rubber shoes they wear in Naija these days? Those soft, soundless, comfy ones? Yeah, my sister had a pair. I loved them, and decided to buy mine, and some Suya while i was at it. I saw this woman across the gutter, and she was selling some rubber things, so I thought she would have. I was so intent on getting across to her, I didn't look at the plank that stretched across the gutter.
Like film trick, I was lying amid all the gooey stuff. Yes.
It was like a dream. My sister yelled for me, but as a butter babe, she couldn't get me out of there.
Nigerians are so nice, so so nice.
In one minute I was in the gutter, and in less than that, I was out. People were all around me, saying sorry, everything. My sister got me some water and cleaned me up...and me...I was still in a trance. I couldn't believe it.
But no one laughed.
Over here, if the snow is slippery and you land on your butt, no one will help you up...or they probably will...after they have doubled over with laughter, and pointed fingers at you, and wiped the tears from their eyes.
Yes, i know it's all jokes, but back home, I was so surprised that no one laughed. I love Nigerians.
Needless to say, I scrubbed the hell out of my body, in fact I'm almost sure I saw bruises. I didn't break any bones, and I still bought my Suya lol.
And so, that was/is my Gutter Experience :(:
Y'all have a great weekend.