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Saturday, February 23, 2013


I want a guy who thinks I’m beautiful without my make up on,
Who thinks I’m beautiful when I've just woken up ( I’m really not, but having someone think that about you is pretty awesome)
I want a guy who will take me to church even when I don’t feel like going.
I want a guy who doesn't mind talking about random things for hours into the night
I want a guy who doesn't make me wait for hours before replying my texts
I want a guy who is optimistic and ambitious and doesn't mind buying me cupcakes and chicken wings
I want a guy who thinks I’m funny and smart
I want a guy who makes me laugh
I want a guy who takes me seriously, who treats me like I’m the most important person in his life
I want a guy who doesn't play around with our relationship or take me for granted.
I want a guy who buys me books instead of jewellery because he knows me that well
I want a guy who will hug me and kiss my forehead just because.
I want a guy who will point me out and say ‘That’s my woman’
I want a guy who actually listens to me and laughs at my lame jokes
I want a guy who misses me enough to text me from work and tell me he loves me
I want a guy who never uses my weaknesses against me.
I want a guy who encourages me and motivates me to be a better person
I want a guy who knows what he has when he has me, and doesn't have to wait till I’m gone to appreciate me
I want a guy who knows me inside and out, and loves me anyway.
But obviously that’s too much to ask for. 

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Microsoft Word and Me

You know, I've got a huge problem

When i was younger (like two or three years ago, lol), I used to want to write down everything I was feeling, because it made me feel better.

Microsoft Word was my best friend, I could tell it anything and it wouldn't judge me.

 We ate together, slept together (i literally sleep with my laptop every night), did everything together. I've never been close to a human being like that. A little pathetic, I know, but it worked.

It used to keep my secrets and dreams, hopes and aspirations, things I couldn't say out loud for one reason or the other.

But now...

Now I don’t know what’s going on with me.

Microsoft Word and I fell out.

Not out of love, like completely out of love, but I find myself more and more reluctant to put down my feelings.

Now I feel like Backspace and I are best friends.

I write stuff, then I backspace it all off.

I don’t know why.

And the end result is this huge ball of emotions in my chest where my heart should be, and I feel like I can’t breathe because emotions are blocking my bronchi, and I can’t even separate the emotions, so I don’t even know exactly what I’m feeling.


It’s like Bronchiectasis (which is a lung condition characterized by excessive sputum production. Sputum here = emotions)

Wait, now that I think about it, I think I remember one of my professors saying the sputum production is usually more severe right after the person wakes up. Or maybe i read it somewhere. Anyway, that’s kind of how I feel.

I’m sorry if I’m weirding you guys out by saying sputum countless times, med student here.

You know, I used to be able to fix things, ever since I was little.  I just needed to know the problem, and boom, I’d find a solution, I mean, I’m not even joking.

In primary and high school, my classmates would fight and then report themselves to me, and I was supposed to be able to help them solve their differences. I don’t know how that started, don’t ask.

The worst part about all of this is I don’t even know what’s going on with me so I can’t fix my problems.
And I can’t talk to my friends about it because nothing is wrong, and yet everything is. I’m not even making sense. I’m confusing myself. What is happening to me?

I’m scared.