10-04-2006 part 1

hai blogville :) guess who's back again,

yeah yeah, i've got a lil story for y'all :)))

please note that this is a first...at least here in blogville, so

be nyc :)

10 - 04 – 2006.

That was the day my life changed. And not for the better too. To all who commemorate some days as the worst days of their lives, they musta never been in mine.

It was the day my father died. It was the day my sister died, it was the day 'vulturistic', sadistic family members called my medical school in the states to tell me of the tragedy that had befallen my family (they didn't even bother to be nice about it) and to tell me that I had to come home. It was also the day I was gang-raped.

Which story shall I tell first? Which story will be less painful to remember? Which story won't slowly eat me up and have me clutching my bedspreads until my fists turn white as I revisit the scenes branded into my memory as if with a hot iron? Not a one. But write it, I must, or I shall die with this deep, gut-wrenching pain.

When I think about the day my life went straight to hell, I can't help but wonder, why? Why in the hell would it happen to me? Me of all people. I was as devout a Christian as you can imagine, I often gave alms to the poor, I was a good person. But did God care?

It dawned bright and early, of course! Evil days always do, u never know the fearsome events that hover just behind the clouds, waiting for their cue. I went to school, it was the last week before spring break, and I was excited…and no,I didn't get raped on the way back from school, it was on the way back from prayer meeting. I had been going for over a year, and nothing happened, not until the day of my father and sister's deaths. An ironic twist of fate, if you ask me.

Lost in thought, and with loud music blaring through my headphones, I passed that dark alley as I had done a million times before, only this time I wasn't as lucky. My phone rang, so i switched off my music and hit the green button…and that's when I heard the first sound of footsteps.

Of course I didn't panic, people passed that alley all the time. But these disembodied footsteps stayed close behind me and I had a nagging feeling that I was being followed. I didn't look back though, but I increased my pace and not long after, two other guys were coming towards me. That’s when I realized that I was wrong. I wasn’t being followed, I was being herded. And then I began to pray. Sweat beaded on my upper lip as it usually does when I'm frightened. I prayed and prayed and prayed and tried to walk faster as I forced to the front of my mind the little self defense I knew. Heel of my palm to the chin, pepper spray, and the classic knee to the groin and kick to the shin, but even I knew that was pointless, no way was I going to be able to beat three grown, masked men.

''what's the hurry missy prissy? Church is over'' said the first one.

I ignored him and tried to maneuver around him, but he wasn't having that. He dragged me back forcibly.

''don’t touch me!" I yelled, and gave him the knee to the groin. He screamed and was bent double with the pain as i yelled and tried to run away.

The other man in front of me screamed also, and slapped me hard across the face with as much force as he could muster, swearing at the top of his lungs as he did.

''bitch, bitch, what'd u fuckin do that for? We'll make you pay, you fuckin retard!!'(he said some more horrible swear words I can't bear to repeat) and with that he tore my top, and my bra came off with it. A tiny, almost inconspicuous part of me cringed at the waste of such an expensive top, but the bigger,more important part knew I was in trouble. I began to cry and beg , even going down on my knees in the dirt.

''please, please, I can give you all my money, and my jewelry, just let me go please!''I sobbed.

The other man behind me, who had not said anything suddenly kicked me with all his might and said

''little miss goody-two-shoes, always rejecting all the men and feeling good with her bible. Not so strong now, are you?''

My blood ran cold. It was the voice of my roommate's boyfriend who had been making passes at me for the last year.

''i.k, i.k please don’t do this, please, I'l be your girlfriend, please I beg of you, just let me go!!" I begged.

Whoever said jeans would make it harder for you to be raped musta never been faced with rapists.

i.k, fueled with his pent up hatred and anger, pulled at my jeans, and at once they tore. And there I was, lying naked for all the world to see, begging for my virtue from the three men who now stood over me and wondering why in the hell no one was passing the alley at all. I also wondered if there was truly a God, and if there was, why wasn’t he listening to me?

I.k pulled down his own jeans and I was shocked at the length of his penis. The thought that that rod was about to be shoved inside me momentarily shocked me into silence. The sight of the other two extra large ones registered in my brain, and I began screaming in earnest.

No one was coming into the alley, why wasn't anyone coming??

Those were the lines that kept ringing in my crazed brain….then

''Jesus, Jesus, please save me, please, please''

I didn't realize I was saying that out loud until I.k laughed scornfully and said

''don't bother, bitch, que sera sera"

And with that, he slapped me again and made sure to let his ring cut me in the face before he bent over and shoved his uncircumcised penis into me with as much force as he could muster.

The pain blinded my open eyes and went straight into my brain, screaming for release as my hands blindly flailed around, reaching for his eyes. Unfortunately, his mouth was wide open with derisive laughter and he bit my finger with such force it was a wonder he didn't bite it off. He seemed to like the taste of my blood because he licked the blood that had now trickled down my chin and pulled himself away only to shove back again with more force. The pain was beyond imagining, had my eyes rolling back inside my head as I screamed and screamed.

Why wasn't anyone hearing my screams? Why didn't anyone come running?

The man whose groin I had kicked, kicked the back of my head repeatedly and shoved his penis into my mouth. I gagged and bit down hard on it. He screamed and screamed

''damn it to hell and back again, u're really gonah get it bitch''

I don't know where he got the stone from, but the third man clubbed on the back of my head with it, and blissfully everything went dark.

But when the second man shoved himself into me with more force than ik, I opened my eyes, stopped begging for my life to be saved and begged them to take it.

I wanted to die, just die, the pain was too unbearable, too unreal, there was blood everywhere, I didn’t know a person could lose that much blood and still be alive…was I still alive? The afterlife couldn't be this painful.

After they had all had their turns( and all come inside me too), I realized I was no longer screaming. I musta been gagged with my bra while I was out. As mr.groin pulled himself out of me and ik spat in my face, I started praying for death to come. And come it did, only not to me.

''if u're unlucky enough to survive this, I'l come back for you, and if you die…well in your next life, don't be such a prissy little bitch!''

They all laughed and went on their way.

And of course that's when someone came into the alley. And that someone happened to be my roommate.

I don't know how I got into the hospital, but when I woke up, I was all cleaned up and in a bed with a worried friend looking down at me.

''What happened?'' she asked

I licked my dry lips and tears coursed down my cheeks as i prepared to launch into the story of the worst day of my life…only it wasn't over yet.*bitter laughter* My phone rang.

''you can't answer it, you're ill!' she protested

''please, please let me have a degree of normalcy in my life, I beg you''

Reluctantly she handed me the phone, and I hit the green button a second time that night.

''hello''

''joy, is this joy?''

I thought about that for a moment. Was joy my name? was I really a source of joy to my family? After a moment's deliberation,

''no, this isn't joy, this is marah''

marah is a bible name that means sorrow, bitterness, and it was just apt, i felt. for me.

''ok, well when she comes back, tell her that her father and sister are dead, and she should come back to Nigeria immediately to swear she had nothing to do with it''

My heart stopped. I mean, literally. It stopped. I gasped for air.

Roommate said ''joy what is it? Joy, joy''

''wait'' I said into the phone ''this is joy''

''why are you playing me around like this? This is agosu your father's brother from the village, I said your father and sister are dead. Come to the village immediately''

Then he hung up.

''what? What?'' I said

I looked at the phone blankly as the words slowly registered. Then I screamed.

To be continued J