the joys of motherhood.

It was at midnight when the contractions began. At first they were mild, and 30 minutes apart…I would just wake up to some twinges in my belly…at first I thought Sondra(my unborn child) was just acting up again since I had had two false 'labours' already…so I paid no attention to her. At four a.m the contractions were getting closer and closer and more intense; so I woke my husband Dayo…he's a sleepyhead, that one.

''wuzzgoinon" he asked groggily

''I think I'm having the baby''

He was up and by my side of the bed like a flash of lightening, the contractions were now three minutes apart and the last one still had me clutching at the bedspreads and gritting my teeth till my jaw ached…but I felt a sudden wave of nausea.

''bowl, bowl'' I gasped.

He ran into the bathroom and got a bowl so that I could…puke is too mild a word for what I did, I retched. So much that if I were in my right senses, I would wonder where so much disgusting liquid came from (I had a very light dinner).

He cleaned me up and helped me get out of my night dress.

And then my water broke.

Till this very day, I wonder how Dayo got me to the hospital, no scratch that, I don't. I wonder how he carried me the inflated human into the car.

Not to digress from the point, there were two expectant mothers in the labour room that night. There were two obstetricians there as well. There were two sets of nurses, there were two beds and two sets of sets of medical equipment, and two scared husbands helping their wives with their breathing.

And there were two pairs of screaming lungs that rent the air 9 hours later as two umbilical cords were cut.

But they never knew each other.

In actual fact we were discharged on the same day, left the hospital at the same time and never even looked at each other. We were too engrossed in our babies.

And so we went our separate ways, I to my beautifully expensive house with Dayo, and she to her just-above-average house with her husband and never gave each other any thought at all.

Until eleven months later.

Now a baby does bring a drastic change into your life, and I for one wasn’t expecting any other change that big…at least not for another year or two…but fate had something else in mind.

Sondra had just started walking, and I had resumed work.

The day our lives changed, the baby sitter cancelled just as I was about to leave for work, so I had to take Sondra with me. My husband had already left a long time ago.

I hurriedly dressed her up, and put her in the special car seat my mother had bought, then I carefully strapped her in, all the while praying my boss wouldn't be mad that I had brought her to work.

Of course the traffic was just terrible, and we aint just talking terrible here, we r talking TERRIBLE. So I made a u-turn and took a longer but faster route. And that's when it happened.

The delivery bus(and I'm glad it wasn't a truck) was coming towards us with such speed that I had to pull over to allow its passage.

But unknown to me, the brakes had a fault…so of course it came barreling toward us, and I swerved again. I was screaming as the bus managed to crush the tail of my car and went into the nearby bush.

Then everything went eerily quiet…and no, I didn't pass out. I looked back in utter fear I hoped would not be confirmed…but there she was…my baby, in a mangled mess on the floor of the car.

Then I began screaming in earnest.

Sondra didn't die. But she lost so much blood doctors were pessimistic about her survival. They asked Dayo and I to donate some blood.

The sight of blood usually made me nauseous, but my baby's life was on the line, and I wasn't gon let no fear of blood prevent her from getting better.

So Dayo and I gave blood, and lots of it too, so that when we went back to the waiting room we were so dizzy we had to support each other.

''if I had only waited! It was just traffic, just traffic, why wasn't I patient?'' I wailed

''stop it'' said Dayo, ''this isn't your fault, it isn't your fault at all, do you hear me??''

I nodded mutely with desperate tears rolling down my cheeks.

He pulled me to his chest and I wept my eyes out. He didn't tell me to stop, just patted my back while I let it all out.

We prayed and prayed and paced and paced, I'm pretty sure I walked a thousand miles that night.

After what seemed like forever (it was only 40 minutes), a female doctor came towards us.

''Mr. and Mrs. Browne?''

We jumped up expectantly, yet hesitantly, we didn't want any bad news.

''yes?'' we both answered.

''are you the biological parents of Sondra Browne?''

''yes'' said Dayo

''are you sure?''

We looked at each other quizzically

''why, yes of course, is there a problem?''

The doctor peered at us out of her half-moon glasses.

''I'll need some form of identification please, if you don't mind''

''why? Of course we mind'' I began hotly. ''that's our baby in there, and instead of asking us silly questions, why don’t u…''

Dayo put his hand on my shoulder. ''Lola please relax''

Then he turned to the doctor ''certainly, would a driver's license do?''

''yes please''

Dayo pulled out his battered driver's license and handed it to her.

She turned it this way and that, studied it in the light as though she expected it to suddenly sprout hands and feet.

Then she turned back to us and began her scrutiny again, so I began to feel uncomfortable.

''listen, u gon' treat our baby or what??''

''ahh, I'm sorry, would you come with me please'' she stated rather than asked.

we trudged after her like farmers after a hard day's work. She led us to her office and asked us to wait for her, then went to fetch another older, possibly more experienced doctor. That’s when I knew something was wrong.

The man, also wearing half moon spectacles and peering out of them at us, shook hands with us and asked us to sit.

''well, sir and madam, we could not use the blood you donated for your…'' there was a significant pause ''daughter''

''what?' I said, ''why?''

''well mrs. Browne, the blood you donated does not match the blood type of your…'' there was that significant pause again, only more pronounced this time ''daughter''

''ok, then use her father's, is that why you've been acting so strange?''

They looked at each other.

''mr browne's doesn't match either''

My brows furrowed in confusion.

''soooo, what does that mean?''

''well'' said the female doctor '' your daughter's blood really doesn't match yours, that only leaves us with one conclusion.''

We waited patiently.

Then dr male came forward again

''what dr female (he didn't actually say that) is trying to say is that Sondra isn't your daughter.''

There was a very loud silence. Even the birds outside had stopped singing, and there was no honking of horns.

Then I laughed loudly "hilarious, very funny'' I said, but no one joined.

''you're serious'' I squeaked.

They nodded gravely.

My head felt light and fizzy, like someone was shaking a bottle of coke in it. My hand reached for Dayo's.

''but how's that possible?'' he asked ''she was born right here, in this very hospital, she was born here, I was there when she was born, 11 months ago,what the hell are you saying??''

They looked at each other, confused.

''she was born here?''

''yes, yes, right here'' I answered.

They looked at each other again.

''when exactly please?''

''25^th april 2008, why, what's wrong?''

''Nothing, nothing, hang on, we'll be right back.

They went for a really long time, almost an hour, and I don’t even know what we were doing during that time, but when they came back, it didn't look good at all.

''mr and mrs Browne'' said dr female ''we don't really know what's going on''

''well then, have a guess'' I said rudely.

''alright, on that day, only 6 babies were delivered in this hospital, and only 2 women were in the same room. You and another woman''

''sooo…''

My mind knew what they were getting at, but I wanted them to spell it out for me, in case I was wrong…but when have I ever been that lucky?

''we think there's a high possibility that the babies were unknowingly switched that night.'' Dr female said hurriedly, as though the words were hot and would scald her tongue if she didn't say them fast.

There was that loud silence again.

Well, I shouldn't bore you with the gory details, I'l just make it simple and quick.

There was a lot of screaming( I did that) and a lot of yelling and swearing (Dayo did that) and a lot of calling(drs male and female did that) that night.

In case you were wondering, Sondra still underwent surgery that night, we had to buy blood from the bank…and we were asked to come back the next morning. Needless to say, we didn't go home that night, not just because of Sondra, but also because we wanted to see what our…I wouldn't say real, maybe, the other Sondra looked like before we did.

Sure enough, at 6 am prompt, there was a slightly harried mother who had her baby in a pouch in front rushing up the hospital hallway. A man in a hurriedly donned suit was trotting along in her wake. I assumed that was her husband. Dayo and I stood up as though in sync as they passed, but they barely spared us a glance.

So of course we followed them. As we passed, I saw my reflection in a glass window…my eyes were red and puffy, one of my earrings was missing, my hair was all mussed and messed up and my nose was shiny. I looked a fright.

I had cried all night, especially at the thought of saying goodbye to my Sondra…but I was all cried out now, or so I thought. I had decided to love the new Sondra, but from a distance. I would do every and anything that needed to be done as a mother, but she would never have that hold that Sondra 1 had on my heart.

My husband put his hands around my shoulder in wordless support, and I leaned against him as we walked through the door those folks had just disappeared through.

There were tears, plenty. I watched the woman break down as the doctors broke the news to her. It was like watching a scene from a movie. I didn't cry.

Until it was time for goodbyes.

The other mother looked at me with eyes just like Sondra's that I broke down too.

Then we hugged each other.

''she needs special care'' she said.

That got me very annoyed ''so does Sondra'' I said with spite.

She sniffed, and wiped her eyes, but she needn't have bothered, fresh tears appeared immediately.

''no no, she needs special care'' she said again.

My brows furrowed again

''why?''

She sniffed again (our husbands were just standing like zombies, except tears were silently rolling down their cheeks.)

''she's a little different. No…'' she held her hand up as I prepared to talk again.

''she's sick''

My heart dropped all the way into my stomach.

''what do you mean?'' I whispered, afraid.

''she has spina bifida''

''she has what??''

''it’s a malformation that occurs when the spine isn't fully formed so that there's a little hole in her back. And hydrocephalus''

''hydro-what???''

''come see for yourself''

She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the place where Sondra 2 was sitting. She was looking at Sondra 1, who was in a deep sleep but a bonnet was covering her head, so I couldn't see the hydro-whatever.

The other mother gently removed the bonnet from her head and I gasped.

That's a mild word for the sound I made. She turned her head towards me and a sudden rush of love and tenderness suddenly swept over me that it had me gasping and clutching my chest.

She was so beautiful it hurt to look at her. Her head was full of shiningly black and curly hair, but the head itself was so big.

Just seeing the head was enough to make anyone cry. But it didn't detract from her beauty at all. The other mother and father were bonding with Sondra 1 who was now crying loudly. There wasn't a dry eye in the room, even the doctors were crying. And the parrot in the cage by the door. It was a sweetly sad day, a memorable one too, I've never seen that much tears in my life.

Its been two years now, and every time I look at Sondra and my husband I can't believe there could be so much love in my heart for them, but that’s how much I love Sondra 1 too.

Our two families have kept in touch. Yes, the two girls are practically twin sisters, and it gives me joy to see them so happy. Sondra walks with a brace now, and the water in her head has been surgically reduced twice, so that her head isn't so big anymore. We are waiting for her third birthday so we can go for the third and final surgery. She will survive in Jesus' name.

p.s. turns out her first parents had given her the name Vanessa, so we called her Sondra Vanessa Adesola Browne. Nice, isn't it?

Sondra 2 is called Vanessa Sondra Aderonke Wickliffe. Very nice.

I'm glad the hydrocephalus didn't affect sondra's reasoning capability, she's one of the smartest kids I know.

I hope the girls will continue this way, they're great with each other. That is the story of my life…or my baby's life.

Now I hope we live happily ever after.

p.s again: i should add that this is fiction! it just popped up in my head. :) thank you.

10-04-2006 part 1

hai blogville :) guess who's back again,

yeah yeah, i've got a lil story for y'all :)))

please note that this is a first...at least here in blogville, so

be nyc :)

10 - 04 – 2006.

That was the day my life changed. And not for the better too. To all who commemorate some days as the worst days of their lives, they musta never been in mine.

It was the day my father died. It was the day my sister died, it was the day 'vulturistic', sadistic family members called my medical school in the states to tell me of the tragedy that had befallen my family (they didn't even bother to be nice about it) and to tell me that I had to come home. It was also the day I was gang-raped.

Which story shall I tell first? Which story will be less painful to remember? Which story won't slowly eat me up and have me clutching my bedspreads until my fists turn white as I revisit the scenes branded into my memory as if with a hot iron? Not a one. But write it, I must, or I shall die with this deep, gut-wrenching pain.

When I think about the day my life went straight to hell, I can't help but wonder, why? Why in the hell would it happen to me? Me of all people. I was as devout a Christian as you can imagine, I often gave alms to the poor, I was a good person. But did God care?

It dawned bright and early, of course! Evil days always do, u never know the fearsome events that hover just behind the clouds, waiting for their cue. I went to school, it was the last week before spring break, and I was excited…and no,I didn't get raped on the way back from school, it was on the way back from prayer meeting. I had been going for over a year, and nothing happened, not until the day of my father and sister's deaths. An ironic twist of fate, if you ask me.

Lost in thought, and with loud music blaring through my headphones, I passed that dark alley as I had done a million times before, only this time I wasn't as lucky. My phone rang, so i switched off my music and hit the green button…and that's when I heard the first sound of footsteps.

Of course I didn't panic, people passed that alley all the time. But these disembodied footsteps stayed close behind me and I had a nagging feeling that I was being followed. I didn't look back though, but I increased my pace and not long after, two other guys were coming towards me. That’s when I realized that I was wrong. I wasn’t being followed, I was being herded. And then I began to pray. Sweat beaded on my upper lip as it usually does when I'm frightened. I prayed and prayed and prayed and tried to walk faster as I forced to the front of my mind the little self defense I knew. Heel of my palm to the chin, pepper spray, and the classic knee to the groin and kick to the shin, but even I knew that was pointless, no way was I going to be able to beat three grown, masked men.

''what's the hurry missy prissy? Church is over'' said the first one.

I ignored him and tried to maneuver around him, but he wasn't having that. He dragged me back forcibly.

''don’t touch me!" I yelled, and gave him the knee to the groin. He screamed and was bent double with the pain as i yelled and tried to run away.

The other man in front of me screamed also, and slapped me hard across the face with as much force as he could muster, swearing at the top of his lungs as he did.

''bitch, bitch, what'd u fuckin do that for? We'll make you pay, you fuckin retard!!'(he said some more horrible swear words I can't bear to repeat) and with that he tore my top, and my bra came off with it. A tiny, almost inconspicuous part of me cringed at the waste of such an expensive top, but the bigger,more important part knew I was in trouble. I began to cry and beg , even going down on my knees in the dirt.

''please, please, I can give you all my money, and my jewelry, just let me go please!''I sobbed.

The other man behind me, who had not said anything suddenly kicked me with all his might and said

''little miss goody-two-shoes, always rejecting all the men and feeling good with her bible. Not so strong now, are you?''

My blood ran cold. It was the voice of my roommate's boyfriend who had been making passes at me for the last year.

''i.k, i.k please don’t do this, please, I'l be your girlfriend, please I beg of you, just let me go!!" I begged.

Whoever said jeans would make it harder for you to be raped musta never been faced with rapists.

i.k, fueled with his pent up hatred and anger, pulled at my jeans, and at once they tore. And there I was, lying naked for all the world to see, begging for my virtue from the three men who now stood over me and wondering why in the hell no one was passing the alley at all. I also wondered if there was truly a God, and if there was, why wasn’t he listening to me?

I.k pulled down his own jeans and I was shocked at the length of his penis. The thought that that rod was about to be shoved inside me momentarily shocked me into silence. The sight of the other two extra large ones registered in my brain, and I began screaming in earnest.

No one was coming into the alley, why wasn't anyone coming??

Those were the lines that kept ringing in my crazed brain….then

''Jesus, Jesus, please save me, please, please''

I didn't realize I was saying that out loud until I.k laughed scornfully and said

''don't bother, bitch, que sera sera"

And with that, he slapped me again and made sure to let his ring cut me in the face before he bent over and shoved his uncircumcised penis into me with as much force as he could muster.

The pain blinded my open eyes and went straight into my brain, screaming for release as my hands blindly flailed around, reaching for his eyes. Unfortunately, his mouth was wide open with derisive laughter and he bit my finger with such force it was a wonder he didn't bite it off. He seemed to like the taste of my blood because he licked the blood that had now trickled down my chin and pulled himself away only to shove back again with more force. The pain was beyond imagining, had my eyes rolling back inside my head as I screamed and screamed.

Why wasn't anyone hearing my screams? Why didn't anyone come running?

The man whose groin I had kicked, kicked the back of my head repeatedly and shoved his penis into my mouth. I gagged and bit down hard on it. He screamed and screamed

''damn it to hell and back again, u're really gonah get it bitch''

I don't know where he got the stone from, but the third man clubbed on the back of my head with it, and blissfully everything went dark.

But when the second man shoved himself into me with more force than ik, I opened my eyes, stopped begging for my life to be saved and begged them to take it.

I wanted to die, just die, the pain was too unbearable, too unreal, there was blood everywhere, I didn’t know a person could lose that much blood and still be alive…was I still alive? The afterlife couldn't be this painful.

After they had all had their turns( and all come inside me too), I realized I was no longer screaming. I musta been gagged with my bra while I was out. As mr.groin pulled himself out of me and ik spat in my face, I started praying for death to come. And come it did, only not to me.

''if u're unlucky enough to survive this, I'l come back for you, and if you die…well in your next life, don't be such a prissy little bitch!''

They all laughed and went on their way.

And of course that's when someone came into the alley. And that someone happened to be my roommate.

I don't know how I got into the hospital, but when I woke up, I was all cleaned up and in a bed with a worried friend looking down at me.

''What happened?'' she asked

I licked my dry lips and tears coursed down my cheeks as i prepared to launch into the story of the worst day of my life…only it wasn't over yet.*bitter laughter* My phone rang.

''you can't answer it, you're ill!' she protested

''please, please let me have a degree of normalcy in my life, I beg you''

Reluctantly she handed me the phone, and I hit the green button a second time that night.

''hello''

''joy, is this joy?''

I thought about that for a moment. Was joy my name? was I really a source of joy to my family? After a moment's deliberation,

''no, this isn't joy, this is marah''

marah is a bible name that means sorrow, bitterness, and it was just apt, i felt. for me.

''ok, well when she comes back, tell her that her father and sister are dead, and she should come back to Nigeria immediately to swear she had nothing to do with it''

My heart stopped. I mean, literally. It stopped. I gasped for air.

Roommate said ''joy what is it? Joy, joy''

''wait'' I said into the phone ''this is joy''

''why are you playing me around like this? This is agosu your father's brother from the village, I said your father and sister are dead. Come to the village immediately''

Then he hung up.

''what? What?'' I said

I looked at the phone blankly as the words slowly registered. Then I screamed.

To be continued J

bagppes from baghdad, the warning...obsession...hehe.

Hai blogville :)

eminem versus mc/nick cannon :))

Playing on youtube right now is the warning by eminem, and i'm luvn the song! Now, eminem and i have never...clicked, i mean i've always detested the guy since i was a kid :)it's not my fault i jus have an aversion to idiots :), and with him wanting to be black too :-/ like wth??...but even i have to admit he owned mc, lol serzli, have you listened to the lyrics...not that u can exactly hear errything he said(cuz he was frigging mad as hell even in the studio),buh the parts you do hear...hmmn...no comment. she musta really pissed him off...''hell hath no fury like an eminem scorned'' hehe.

now, mc, mc, mc...i love that old woman lol but that song called 'obsessed'? its ridiculous to say the least, a diva like her could have done way better like wth? look how blessed she is :)

and with a voice too! How could she let an idiot like eminem get the best of her??

i wonder, now that eminem has warned her, will she back the hell off or will she fight back?? i especially like the part where he said "mariah it ever occur to you that i still have pictures?"

haha, anyway that aside...

about books and movie adaptations...i think it might be better to first watch the movie before u actually read the book...i used to love twilight...until i read the book. Now i'm just wondering how they could have messed such a good story up...oh it was ok i guess. still luv rob pattinson by the way :P

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The countdown has just begun :( in exactly 26 days, i'l be waking up at 7am and looking at the insides of a classroom...and i'm not even almost remotely ready...but what can i do?? hmmn, second year medical student. has kwaite a nice ring to it, doesnt it?

yesterday, in the not-so-subtly boring confines of my room (roommate was out on an escapade lol), i imagined what this world would be like if it was men who walked down the aisle. its crazy i know, but what if they did?? and on their mother's arms too...boy, would it be funny!

''here comes the groom, here comes the groom''

ahh nature calls, and i must answer...sorry this blog is so...jagajaga, proper blog later...in the mean time, enjoy my most recent best song (as of 3 seconds ago :D)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjogl0W9flM

Nigeria....

nigeria, a promise land

africa is a large continent

we are marching on

to take our place

among all the nations of the world

wo-or-old.

lol, u prolly know that song if u went to staff school Akoka...buh then, how many pips did? *sigh* those were the days. Honestly, that world seems so far away now...and yet, so near. At least in those days there used to be light!! not frequent i know, but it was there. that seems so so so far away, but these days its so bad, that even though im not home, the comments-complaints travelled far and wide, across the seven oceans and seas to find me...its gotta be bad. i dont even know what to say, Nigeria is going downhill very fast, and there are no brakes to stop her.

What's all that shit going on in the north??? people killing each other anyhow...killing, yes people i said killing. How on this green earth can you take someone's life? how is it possible that you can just snuff the life outta someone?? To be so deranged?? and without a shred of guilt too, damn!it...it bothers me, more than i care to admit, its highly unthinkable, unfathomable, how canyou have the gut, the effrontery??? what is this world turning into??? The front page of newspapers these days are filled with humans-dead humans like animals in the slaughter house...even animals are killed with more dignity! i would blame the reporters on being vultures feeding on bad news, but they are only just doing their jobs.

And the crime rate! it was recently brought to my notice that area boys of Lagos were rated no 10 on the list of the world's most notorious gangs. yep, i said world. we really need a change, and i don't think yar'adua can give it us, really the man should just step down.

''our president has fled

cos the country has gone red

oh, he's gonna be back

when the north has burned black''

everyone is going on strike, even our president is fleeing the country(personal strike i you ask me), there's poverty, poor health facilities, depressing state of infrastructure, education has gone downhill so fast that people are taking loans to send their wards abroad to study.

the united states has declared that by the year 2020, nigeria as a state will be in pieces. The federal government however has declared that by 2020, Nigeria will be one o the leading economies in the world. Two predictions, one nation, which is it gonna be?

we know what's wrong, we even have solutions to these myriad of problems, the question is, will we do what is right? will our pocket-driven, money-laden leaders do right by Nigeria? we can only hope and pray, people, for what else can we do?? hopefully, out of these selfish and self centered leaders will emerge a people-centered and service-oriented government...but everyone has to do their part.

on a much lighter note...the movie industries really crack me up. really, firstly as tired as i am of seeing the same faces of gennie, omotola, desmond and the rest of em, the new...what should i call them sef...maybe amateurs, are so zombie-ish they irritate me, kai! They'll just stand there and be talking without putting any action into it,its disgusting, plain disgusting i tell ya.

secondly, have you heard the adverts???!!! especially on AIT, one man with a heavy igbo accent will just come and say ''fight of blessing, fight of blessing'' then the effect(naija effects ehn! they can give you a heart attack)will be like thunder lolllll,

''come see as one man come take im brother wife! then come take im blessing, come kill am! fight of blessing, fight of blessing. the wife they seek revenge, e carry im pikin go obodo oyinbo, wetin go happen at the end?'' lollll

''this film na must watch o! na who day distrbute am?? film-land distributors, no 3 edidi lane, idumota Lagos, also available at no 15, toyin street,ikeja Lagos. fight of blessing, grab your copy, NOW'' LOOOLLLLL, hilarious i tell ya...those things used to irritate me when i was home,but now...they jus crack me up.

The music industry is not so bad sha, that guy called m.i...people that guy is somn else...and sasha is good too, buh some people. hmmn, some people. take eedris abdul-wetinsef for instance, whoever told that guy he was destined to be in the music industry must not have been his friend...aside from the fact that he has a horrible voice and has no entertaining skills whatsoever, the kind of songs he sings! ''nigeria jagajaga, everything scatter scatter''...now i know he meant well, but honestly, nigeria jagajaga??!!! that song is boring mehn.

There's this other guy called gt the guitar man...nowpersonally, i feel that name is too long, but oh wth? the guy sings GEWD!(by the way, my friend looks exactly like him :D). but i have a tiny, itty bitty problem wiv one of his songs...''i don't wanna''.

if he doesnt want to say what's on his mind(which,in my opinion, he spent the whole song doing), then why is he telling us??

''its time to say what's on my mind again, but i don't wanna"

then shut the hell up dude...lol.

but besides that, the song is excellent...i've always liked cute boys ;)

just before i go, i'd like to say somn about koko mansion. you might have heard of it...its that pathetic attempt of a tv reality show by d'banj-full of girls!! he says he is trying to make nigeria a better place...but is he indirectly saying only girls can do that?!that and the girls too! from the razzest parts of nigeria...you know, in a way, i'm quite...what's the word??ahh...i wonder...ambivalent should do, i'm kwaite ambivalent about the show...in a way, i like it because it cracks me up! h3h3h3, its mean, i know, but that girl called rita!, she just keeps my old muscles contracting n relaxing as i laugh!!! on the other hand, that show is just a waste of valuable tv time, and money...but since it's not mine, then who am i to talk?? i'l just keep laughing and laughing ;)

o-ok that's it for today i guess...cheers

_xx